The Golden Years Continued...

I'm sad to say that the 74 year old man I spoke of in my first blog recently passed away. Although I am happy for him--his wish to be taken from this earth has been granted-- I was awakened by the response to his death by his son. And since it has been a couple weeks and I am still intrigued by it, I thought this story may be worth sharing. I received a voicemail from a social worker at the hospice house; she stated that the patients son was in immediate need of support because the patient had died. I listened to the message again to make sure I had the details right and then decided I better phone her to confirm that we were thinking about the same family. Indeed we were. We discussed the patients history and the detail of his life that he had shared with both of us. We both remembered the patient sharing how awful his relationship was with son as well as the rest of his family. However it had seemed that the patient had this all wrong. His perception of his relationship was so conditioned and based on thoughts from the past that he was unable to see the love his son had for him now, in the present. The social worker informed me that moments after the patient returned to the hospice house (he had been discharged after my first post) he became unresponsive. He had transitioned into the dying process and who was by his side to provide love and comfort for his final days--his son. The one the patient referred to as a bum, the one the patient stated didn't like him, the one the patient believed did not care for him. We learned from the son that although there relationship wasn't perfect it was nowhere near as damaged as the patient portrayed. Fortunately, the son wrote his father a letter and read it to him just hours before he died. The patients son placed his hand on his unresponsive fathers arm and read to him a final goodbye expressing how much he loved him. The patient managed to give a weak smile and raise his eyebrows and this the son took as an expression of love too. And although we were unable to hear the patients side to this lighter news the sons actions truly proved his love for his father. From this I have learned, be open, be honest, and be real. Sometimes the way we see things is not really the way things are and so much of that stems from our thought processes and being conditioned to beliefs we make based on past situations. Keep in mind, you are not your thoughts and your thoughts are not you.

Beingness

Everyday we are consumed with what it is we do for a living; we work to live and and some live to work. If you think your life is about doingness, then you may not not understand all that you are about. Your soul doesn't care what you do for a living--and when your life is over neither will you. Your soul cares only about what you're being while you're doing whatever it is that you do. It is a state of beingness the soul is after, not a state of doingness. So think about who you want to be in this world and then do with that whatever it is you are destined to do. And remember a positive state of being will always bring you joy and comfort.

Life is a Spiritual Journey

Just a little something I read and thought I would share.

Vest yourself in the belief that your life is a hero's journey or spiritual progress. Mapping your way along the spiritual coordinates of purpose and compassion will help you navigate the storms of change. Life will never be a logical, rational, controllable experience. Some events and relationships will enchant us and others will crack us wide open with pain. Some people might win the lottery and others may end up broke through bizarre twists of fate, but we cannot outrun or outsmart the winds of change. Know that underlying the storm is peace, and under the chaos is order. Use the power of faith as your anchor: faith that there is a reason why things happen as they do; faith that you will make it through a crisis; faith that you are moving forward to a better place.
~Carolyn Myss

Opinions

Why is it that some individuals have such a difficult time accepting opinions with which they do not agree with? Do you think those individuals ever take the time and think that maybe the person who they disagree with feels as strongly about an issue as they do? Or do you think individuals who have a difficult time seeing through the eyes of one they may refer to as naive are really naive themselves? Is it possible that the real naive individual is the one who sees things one sided or close-minded; the one who is unable to appreciate the value of unbiased communication; the one who does not view conversation with a person as an opportunity to grow and become more open minded; the one who cannot see that differing opinions are what make us unique? Why are people so quick to tell you your opinion is mistaken, your emotions are wrong, your reactions are off beam; the answer I believe is because the individual who speaks that way is one who just might be naive; enjoys biased communication; keeps conversation on the surface; and does not treasure differing opinions.

The Golden Years

I worked with a 74 year old man today who touched my life in a way I never imagined would have. When I retained the referral I learned of his extreme depression and absolute negativity--the kind of traits you must learn to protect yourself from when counseling an individual. I walked into his room and introduced myself and I can honestly say I have never met someone so ready to die. For the next 45 minutes he began to tell me how horrible his life had been--his wife had cheated, his kids were "bums" as he put it and now cancer. He stated he waited his whole life to live the golden years and now that he is here it isn't all that he thought it would be. In fact he is still depressed and still unhappy rethinking his theory to life. It occurred to me then that this gentlemen spent his entire life waiting for and expecting happiness to walk on his doorstep one day when he was old---probably the biggest mistake he had ever made. He spent his life dwelling on his past and focused on his future letting the present slip him by. Not a day went by that this man lived in the moment and was happy for today and his advice to me was not to wait for the golden years. I learn from my clients and patients on a daily basis but this man provided me an invisible act of power: a reminder that we have one chance at life and what better way to spend it then living.